Joshua 1:9

Yesterday I had to do something that was really hard. I had to go get my baby's ashes. I started out the day thinking maybe today would be the day I made the dreaded phone call. Let me back up to a couple of months ago. I asked johnny to call because in my mind I was just sure that they had thrown them away since it had been 5 months since I had him. When johnny called the lady told him that they were still there and she would not get rid of them...she keeps them in her office forever just in case the parents come back years down the road...so sweet of her. But she said that I had to call for some reason. I was so angry that day!!! I could hardly stop crying. So I pushed it to the back of my brain. Yesterday morning I put on this cross necklace...

I haven't worn this necklace in like 6 months and just decided today it would look nice. I called while jack was at school and the sweet social worker said that she would meet me at my car so I wouldn't have to walk through the hospital. At nap time I did my devotional and then decided to look up the verse that is on the back of my necklace. It is Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for The Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Amazing!!! There is no doubt that God told me to wear that necklace!!! Then of course I started to cry! Then it started to rain outside. I thought to myself that the rain was God crying with me! He is amazing and my Comfort!! 

So after nap time we went to pick up baby Isaiah's ashes. I picked johnny up so that we could do it together. 

Then when we got home i got emotional because jack thought the box was a present and got really excited. 

(The box on the left is the box they gave me when I had Isaiah to put my memories in. The box on the right is what they gave us with his ashes in. I am guessing some ministry paints them for people...they are special)

So we had to explain to Jack what was in the box. He got sad. He said "if it was a girl I would be really really sad." I told him it was a boy and told him his name. Then we just hugged. He seemed to understand. I am glad that he asked about the box because I might not have ever talked about it with him again. God knew that we needed to talk about it with jack. 

I know I will always remember this sweet baby boy and can't wait to hold him again one day! Until then, I know that God is holding him for me